Can't get over.

From last month up to now strong winds has whipped me. I am confused, so confused either I am going to hold on or let the wind take me. Terrible mistakes have been made -- to God, family, school, friends and to myself. I just can't move on and get over it. I can't forgive myself for the foolish thing I've made -- as they wanted me to feel. This mistake was bound to take my future away from me. It's all my fault. I cannot do anything about it. I feel so helpless like an imbecile trying so hard but then just made things far more harder.

Everyday at school felt like nightmares. If it is not for my friends, perhaps, I had let the wind take me. Their words of encouragement and affections were the poles I am clinging to. I was just guilty of blinding them of my lies. I am sorry. I thought I deserve you but I was unworthy. But still you stayed by my side and never left me. I am very grateful to God that He blessed me with such great and true friends.

When I am at school some may hear me say "Gusto ko nang umuwi. Uwian na!" And when I got home there's a sudden outburst of going to school. HA! So are you confused too? I am sorry if you feel so. It's really hard dealing with my feelings. As I was saying, when I'm home I feel like crying and crying and crying. I was so thankful that my computer has internet. If not I have no idea if I'd survive the wind. No one would ever talk to me during the fresh days of stupidity. I can't blame them. It's all my fault. Even my future is vague and that made the whole thing worse. I have NO FUTURE at all! How fun is that? Tell me! But at least now there's a speck of hope I see dor my future. I feel more relieved now.

Really, when they were about to take my future (UST) away from me, I became a good daughter. HAHA! Believe me. I am obeying all they were asking me to do. Oh well, looking at reality it is a daughter's task to obey her parents and not a good daughter's. HAHA. Yaan mo na!

As for you dear, thank you for everything. I am still grateful that you loved me. I don't know if I have the guts to believe your words. I am sorry if my world doesn't fit yours. As you said, truth hurts. :) EMOOOOO

You know what? All I wanted to do is to Graduate. To see my cousins have fun time with them maybe somewhere farrrr from where I am right now. To celebrate my birthday. And to enroll in UST.